Stop Di**ing around...
As many of you will be aware, I have been out of action for a little while due to having spinal surgery. I finally gave in and had the surgery that I needed on my neck, because no amount of weight loss was actually going to change that, unless you cut off my head! I've been very fortunate. I have a fantastic spinal surgeon who is very supportive of my athletic goals and who managed to give me a disc replacement rather than a fusion, meaning that I will maintain more function of the movement of the spine. As frustrating as it has been not to run, I decided to manage my recovery sensibly to give me the best chance of coming back better and also to plan ahead.
If you've read my bio on the website then you will know my story. A lot has happened, even in the 2 months since I wrote that piece. A lot.
In the last year I have learned a lot about running and my journey. There have been some really poignant moments where things have just clicked and it has made a huge difference to what I do. The first of those came just before the Woodbridge 10k in May 2015. I was struggling a bit and worrying that I wasn't a runner or able to do it. I decided to enlist the help of someone who really could run, that I could trust to give me some good advice to get me around the course. I enlisted the help of Jay from The Fitness Project. Jay is a Marathon Des Sable finisher and Ultra Runner. I knew that he would understand that it was not easy for me and give me good advice to help me get the best I could out of it. He did. The advice that he gave me, coupled with the support of my friend Mark was a godsend and definitely helped me to complete that race. During my session with Jay, he had the gruelling task of getting me to understand that despite all that I felt, I was an athlete. This session is where the phrase 'Fathlete' came from. I couldn't get my head around how I could be fat and athletic. Jay decided to try and further convince me by saying 'You're a Fathlete'. The phrase has stuck ever since.
Early in 2016 when I decided to run the Farmhouse Five for Females, a five mile cross country, women only race, I was battling again with my ability and calling myself an athlete. I had to take time out from running again due to dental surgery and had also really struggled with my body still learning how to move in the right way again and the tiredness and pain sometimes associated with pushing myself. I had reached an impasse in my mind and whilst running around the course with Inge (who is also an amazing runner who has just completed her first Ultra and will run MdS next year), I was able to talk through what was causing this.
When I was running, I was having a lot of problems with my breathing which was then affecting my whole body and ability to run well. On the race with Inge I managed to pinpoint why. Some of my breathing problems do come from having a restricted airway, but actually most of what I was feeling was because I was still associating my running journey with the fact that I was told I wouldn't be able to. Every time I thought about this, panic set in and it set me off. Don't get me wrong, I will always get emotional at the end of races, because they are big achievements, but I don't need to get emotional when I set out. I realised that for me, the Woodbridge 10k in 2015 was my race where I flipped the bird at the notion of never being able to walk/run again. From that point on, I was actually running just because I can. It changed things. I stopped panicking and I started to enjoy running so much more. The last stretch of the Farmhouse Five, Inge challenged me to give everything I had to get to the end. I did. I thought I was going to pass out at one point, but I pushed through and made it to the finish line. I did manage to vomit all over the finish line but I did it.
This new attitude saw me gain confidence. I ended up joining JAFFA running club which was a massive step in accepting that I am really a Fathlete, but also in socialising with other athletes, because in my mind I couldn't possibly do that. I will admit that the first night I went, I cried in the car, my husband had to practically drag me there because I was so nervous. It was the best thing I have done though because Monday night track sessions really have helped me to find my groove.
At this point, I was still managing distance by walking and running. I found that my body tired and needed to slow down and so I just did that. I didn't feel any shame in it anymore. I could run a mile without stopping, but would need short bursts of walking to keep me going.
On my birthday, I did my first mud/obstacle run with my friend Jade. Jade is younger than me, way fitter and full of life. I couldn't have picked a better person to do this with. What is even better about this choice of person and the fact that she is my friend is the lovely tie in that she actually happens to be Jake's girlfriend. Feet certainly didn't fail us. We had a whale of a time and I fell in love with another kind of running.
Since then I have completed two more races for fun. I did the colour dash with our friend Kirby (who took up running after seeing me do the 10k this year and annoyingly is ruddy good at it without trying) and his family. It was such a great experience, and for me it was heart warming to have friends and their little ones getting involved. I then did the Race for Life Pretty Muddy with some friends, again all of whom have taken up running and we had a blast. We actually didn't get very muddy until the very end, when we covered each other in it.
On my last track session before my operation I decided to try something different. You see I had noticed something about my running style. I tend to go off quickly (because most people I know who run are quicker than me) and then I run out of steam. On this occasion I decided to run with Brian. Brian runs track every Monday night at his own pace. I should mention here that he is 78 years old. Brian gave me the opportunity for a big break through. By running at a slower and more steady pace, with Brian I was able to run 3.5 miles without needing to walk. I only actually stopped at 3.5 miles because I knew I was running the next evening. This was huge. It completely boosted my confidence to realise that I can do it. It also told me that the kind of running I had been feeling would be my 'thing' was the right one. I decided that night to use the time where I was resting to plan for that.
There was no one else I was going to engage to assist me with this. The only person it could be was Jay. I decided to set my goals out so he could help me plan for them.
My goals were:
Sub 60 minute Woodbridge 10k for 2017.
Half Marathon in 2017
Full Marathon by May 2018
First Ultra Marathon by 2023
Marathon Des Sable by 2028.
To me these seemed like sensible realistic goals for a Fathlete.
So, yesterday afternoon, Jay came over to see me and talk through what the plans would be. He agreed that a sub 60 minute 10k is very possible for next year. What he said next however had me in stitches. To quote the man...
'Why a half marathon next year? Stop dicking around and you can do a full marathon, and while you're at it, a full marathon is a training run for an Ultra so you can do an ultra by the end of next year too'
My revised plan is..
Sub 60 minute Woodbridge 10k for 2017
Full Marathon in 2017
First Ultra Marathon in 2017
Marathon Des Sable in 2020
I don't think I have ever been quite as excited about my running journey. Jay believes in me and that I can do this. He is here to support me every step of the way. Caroline from The Fitness Project will also support me to understand how best to fuel the body that will become an ultra runner and also support my body to deal well with the changes that happen to it. It's all falling in to place. I AM AN ULTRA RUNNER IN TRAINING. By the end of next year I WILL BE an ultra runner. This is huge.
Obviously, engaging any trainer involves cost. What I want to challenge people on is this. We're all so quick to buy in to the diets that cost us money each week to undertake. I know for me this was anything up to £70 a week. Why is it then, that when it comes to our fitness, this cost seems too much or unachieveable?
None of us get fat overnight, yet we all want to get thinner quicker. In the last year I have learned that it takes time and that the best way to lose weight and keep it off is through eating a healthy balanced diet, and exercising regularly. I have found that actually I no longer want to be skinny. I want to be fit. In all of my conversations with Jay yesterday, our focus was a goal based on fitness and confidence levels and not on a size that I want to be. This in itself is such a huge change from where I had been for so many years.
We get too hung up on our appearance, when actually what we should be focusing on is our health. Have a go. Start to think of goals that involve fitness, maybe healthy eating habits and being healthy. Tackle things like feeling less tired, maybe you want your skin to look better, or to be able to walk a mile. Each time you hit one of those goals, you're a step closer to your big goal, but make that big goal about how you feel and not about how you look. Trust me, the moment will come where you realise that is where it's at. Let's turn in to a nation of #fitshamers rather than #fatshamers.
