Body Image. Are we even being brave enough to have the right conversations?
- Bon
- Sep 8, 2016
- 5 min read
I've been thinking a lot lately about my journey and how along the way there have been those moments where you realise something and it changes everything. I would say that up until even this year, my journey focused on weight loss. I realise now that there was a reason for this. It wasn't actually my choice as such.
You see if you asked me now why I am doing what I do, I would give you a completely different answer. And thinking about this is what has led me to come to the conclusion that the reason so many people fail at weight loss is because 1) We're always just telling them to lose weight, 2) We still live in a society where we shame 'fat' people for carrying extra weight and it's so easily assumed that thin people are just thin and 3) Even medical professionals focus on weight loss. We focus on the fat.
If you asked me now why I am on my journey, I will tell you that it is to get fit. I could weigh the same as I do now in a years time, but as long as I am exercising regularly and fuelling my body well, I would be happy.
For the first time in years I am no longer on a diet and trying to lose weight. I exercise and I eat. Weight loss is a lovely side effect of what I am doing, but it's not the reason.
It's been a huge part of my drive to do this. As soon as I made my plans about fitness, they became easier to stick to. The simple fact is that diets are restrictive and destined to fail. Everyone being told to lose weight is looking for the quick fix, the easy way to fix the extra weight. So many people will assume this is laziness. The thing is, I don't always think it is. I think it's partly because of the pressure put on 'fat' people to conform to the societal norms of what we 'should' look like. If you haven't been 'fat' you cannot presume to even begin to understand the mental torture that is society's view of what we all should look like. Where ever you go, you cannot escape the waif like females in ad campaigns and the ripped men kicking pillows down the hall in the name of aftershave.
And this is where I believe we are not having the right conversations. Why do we focus on the fat? Surely what we actually want is for people to be healthy, fit and well. Yes we can all acknowledge that fat is what can make us unhealthy, but when you focus on us becoming thin, you shame us about what we look like and actually the issue that we are then not really addressing is that of fitness and health.
When you berate someone for being fat and hold them to unrealistic ideals, you cause them to lose confidence and become depressed. A lack of confidence and being low can then further hamper any progress.
Something I have learned from speaking to my leaner, fitter friends is that actually although us fat people tend to think that thinner people just are like that and don't have any battles, the other thing we don't talk about as a society is just how much work thinner people have to put in to staying that way.
Whenever you even hear of dramatic weight loss stories, you only ever see the before and after. You often don't see the inbetween or the two years later. Often you don't see the two years later because diets don't work, or people lose resolve because they focus on the weight loss and so food becomes an issue.
One of the reasons I want to share my journey so publicly is because I truly believe that these things- focus on weight loss rather than fitness; lack of long term focus; lack of sharing of the drive we all have to have to stay fit; contribute to people's failure on their journey's and I want to show a realistic picture of what it takes to succeed. If I share my goals and journey with you, I cannot fail at it - my brain is programmed not to let people down, and with people expecting me to reach my goals I cannot give up. Next year, I will run my first marathon, I will run the Woodbridge 10k in under an hour ( no mean feat given that this year I completed it in 1:34) and I will complete my first ultra. Many people may doubt that, but I know that I have some special people around me who believe in me, but more than that, I know that because I have just told you that, I will do it.
It's not easy to change your mind set. I'm not going to lie about that, but there are some things that can help:
1. Stop looking at glossy magazines. They are full of unrealistic representations of people and will only serve to depress you and give you unrealistic expectations of where you should be.
2. Speak to your thinner friends. Ask them what they don't like about themselves (you will be surprised), and ask them what they do to stay in shape. Understanding that everyone has to do this in differing ways, will help you to focus on what you need to do. It also normalises the need to exercise. It becomes about a common need rather than just something you have started doing because you are carrying extra pounds.
3. Don't follow diets. Learn what healthy eating habits are and try to follow them as much as you can. If you have a shit day and have a chocolate bar, you haven't failed. Because everybody does that unless they're Gwyneth Paltrow.
4. Only compare your exercise goals and achievements to what you have previously done yourself. Don't compare yourself to others, you're not them and you will end up hampering your journey.
5. Focus on your health. Forget the F word. Well change the F word. It's no longer Fat you want to focus on but Fit. I'm still fat, but I know I am fit enough to challenge most people calling me fat to some form of physical 'fit off'.
6. Set yourself realistic non-weight related goals. It could be looking good for a certain event or being able to take part in a race. Those goals will get you to your overall goal and boost your confidence along the way.
7. Love yourself. No seriously. Not in an arrogant 'oh my god I am amazing' kind of way, but learn to love yourself. Be proud when you achieve something - shout about it. Also be proud of your body. From experience I can tell you that at first this is really ruddy hard, but as you focus on the fit it gets easier. This week I actually looked in the mirror and was proud of what I saw.
8. Be open about your journey. Sharing your goals will help others to support you, but also drive you to achieve them.
9. Think about the money you previously spent on diets and diet food and consider investing this in personal training instead. Even if it's just one session a month, checking in with a professional can increase your confidence and really set you on the right track.
10. Join a club. Seriously. I hate people (joking), I hate group stuff - I'm not good big in groups, mostly because of comparing myself to everyone else, but being part of a running club has really pushed me to keep going.
Now go out there and stop saying you need to lose weight.
Get Fit!!!
Love from B
xxx
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