F.E.A.R.

6 years ago, unbeknown to me, the after effects of my accident were beginning to appear. I'd signed up for my first race - The Whole Hog and was very excited about it. Sadly just a week before the race, I had problems with my left leg (if only I'd known!) and so Jake took my place.

6 years later, I have just been lucky enough to marshal The Whole Hog and what made it extra special, was that the day before I actually got to finally run the course. You can imagine my excitement at being able to complete something that was for me 'unfinished business'.

So Saturday morning I set off with Jay my trainer, and my husband Jake as camera man and undertook the course. The weather was beautiful, the scenery amazing (isn't Suffolk beautiful?), and as we set off I felt awesome. The wonderful thing about the route is that there are no distance markers, and so you have no idea how far you are in to the course. This also means that afterwards, you really struggle to remember what order everything was in!

I came to the first small ditch in which you have to place yourself and wade through waist deep mud before setting off on the next run. I've done this before on other courses. I've not had a problem with it, and so I did not expect any problems at all. This is where The Boss Hog that I completed on Saturday becomes a far greater achievement than I could EVER have imagined...

...you see the thing is, I have a fear (well it's three if you break it down). A fear of snakes, frogs and lizards. Even typing those words brings a sick feeling to my mouth and stomach. It's more than just a fear, it is a deep rooted phobia. I shan't bore you with the why, but it's there.

Just as I went to step in to the lovely bog, a brown frog hopped down the bank and in to the ditch. My fear response kicked in. I cried, I was panicking, I was trying not to be sick. My initial response would have been to turn back there and then. But I didn't.

I am incredibly lucky. I have the most amazing trainer who knows my goals and understands how to push me to achieve those goals. I want to run ultra marathons. This takes great mental strength. Overcoming a fear is of course a good way to improve your mental strength. As I stood crying and in fear, he told me that I was still going to get in to that ditch. Even though the frog hopped in and it was quite possible that he had a few friends down there, I was going to get in and walk through, because I came to complete the Boss Hog and I don't do quitting.

Obviously I didn't just hop straight in that ditch. It took a few minutes but I did get in and although I was still fearful and in the midst of panicking, Jay guided me through that first ditch and out the other side. Now I could write a long post here, detailing each obstacle, but it would a) be long and wordy and b) be quite repetitive, I shall therefore spare you those boring details (although there will be a film to follow this week) and say this instead: I continued the course. At each water obstacle, I battled my fear. It didn't get any less whilst I was on the course and the mental, emotional and consequently physically draining aspect of battling such a phobia whilst running a long obstacle course was immense. There were times where my brain couldn't process information due to trying to balance out what was going on inside, but at every point I had Jay along side me, talking me through it all. At one point, it did take 20 minutes for me to overcome the fear again and proceed with an obstacle, but at the end of it all, because I chose to listen to someone that I trust implicitly with my health and well being, I achieved what I had set out to achieve and more.

I know now that whatever challenge is thrown at me when running, it will be easier than this was. I know that in life I will be mentally stronger because I chose to push forward.

Yesterday, I was a marshal for the race. My marshal post was standing by a section of water with an obstacle. Before the race started, Jay told me and showed me that I had a friend. It was a little brown frog. Now I did step back and take a second, but much less of that fear response kicked in. In fact during the day, I saw two more friends and made no reaction and watched them go about their business. Now I am not saying that I am ready to go back and take on that course without a mental battle, but some of that fear has gone.

So face a fear today. Do something that scares you a little, because although at the time you may feel weak for having that fear, I can guarantee you that you will be a stronger person when you have faced it.

If you're a runner who is nervous about running with others, give it a go; if you're someone who wants to take up running and isn't confident about it, make those first steps. You will not look back and it will be worth it. If you feel you can't do it on your own, find someone you can trust, they will help you to get past it.

Bon xxx

(Due to Jake being around to film our experience on Saturday, there is footage of some of what I went through. I am currently editing it and will upload it later this week. This journey is all about an open and honest account of what it takes to get to where I am going and so although the footage at first felt embarrassing, as I edit it, I am proud of myself for what that day meant. You are allowed to laugh at it - I now can and trust me there are some bits that are laugh out loud moments, but mostly I hope by putting it out there, it inspires you to take on a fear or challenge this week).